• All phone numbers begin with 555.
• People speaking on the phone never introduce themselves, and never ever say "good-bye" at the end of a conversation.
• A ringing phone is usually picked up within 3 seconds.

None of those are clichés, if you ask me. They are dumb and unrealistic, certainly. But a cliché is something more than just a common minor annoyance, or something you only see in movies (as in the above list).

In my view, a cliché is a hackneyed idea; something that lacks originality, yet is often passed off as an important part of the plot. More often than not they are used as a substitute for creativity, so clichés reek of laziness. A director can't think of a way to add a sense of danger, so he resorts to a clichéd line like "something is out there: I can FEEL it!"

The second point is that clichés often start off as great ideas, memorable lines, or interesting character traits. But after they've been copied countless times, well, they lose their meaning and become trite.

The car chase scene in Bullitt (1968) is a great example. It was fabulous at the time: interesting, original, all those things that make a movie fun. But it worked too well and was consequently copied by every brain-dead director wanting to add a little excitement to an otherwise dull film. Let’s face it, these days we’re so numb to chase scenes that, as soon as the protagonists notices that “we’re being followed,” or sees the helicopter come around the corner, we see it as a convenient time to go to the bathroom.

1. Lesbians. Perhaps long ago, say, in the mid 90’s, this was an interesting twist in a relationship. Now it seems any two women left alone for long enough will inevitably embark on an erotic journey to discover their true sexual identities. Strangely, this almost never happens with men (or it certainly would change the tenor of the Lethal Weapon â€" type buddy movies). Wild Things is particularly silly example, with two gorgeous young women trying to strangle and drown one another, but finally, realizing they are alone, they give in to their natural lesbian state and start making out. Other less trashy offenders: Monster, Heavenly Creatures, Mulholland Drive, Basic Instinct, Freeway, Belle Epoque, The Color of Night (did I say LESS trashy?), Bound, Boys Don’t Cry

2. The indestructible adversary. Jason, Michael Myers, Clubber Lang, Drago, all the Terminators, and so on. These days we’re surprised when the bad guy DOESN’T sit up after being shot or impaled or beaten senseless or melted.

3. The bad kids vs. the unsuspecting caregiver. This probably started with O. Henry’s The Ransom of Red Chief, a great short story. But it has become so overused that Ice Cube leaves us cold in Are we There Yet?

4. The mariachi band at a romantic restaurant. Inevitably interrupting a crucial conversation, yet still setting the right mood.

5. Prison rape. Standing in stark contrast to the lesbian cliché, men don’t “discover” one another when left alone.

6. The noble poor and the evil rich. All rich businessmen are obsessed with making money at the expense of the environment, world peace, and especially the poor. Bruce Wayne appears to be the only exception. Poor people are hard working, but care only about family, art, and love, which is why they aren’t good at making money.

7. The ugly girl transformation. Typically it’s a gorgeous leading lady whose beauty is apparently completely obscured by glasses and unkempt hair. Why is it we can have CGI flying dragons and goblins with giant oozing warts, but we don’t have the technology to make Rachel Leah Cooke look homely?

8. Vomit. Want to show how sensitive a character is, and how disturbed he is by what he’s just seen? Simple… have him throw up. Special effects guys in Hollywood have yet to master the look of real vomit; typically it looks like the actor has taken a bite of too-hot potato soup.

9. The climactic near-death scene. Usually involves some bizarre form of CPR that resembles kung-fu, and lots of shouting, “hang on! Don’t you give up! Fight!” This rarely works, but a kiss or confession of love is a sure thing.

10. The hypocritical religious character. Usually a man, and almost always a Christian, he holds everyone else to impossibly high standards, all the while having affairs, raping the environment, oppressing the weak or killing them outright. Usually opposed by an enlightened young woman.