This is unfortunate, because Rob Reiner’s When Harry Met Sally (1989) is really one of the funniest and most poignant bits of film I have ever seen, and the fake orgasm has almost nothing to do with it.

But sex sells. The marketing blurb that ran with the film’s title says, “Can two friends sleep together and still love each other in the morning?” And, granted, there is a lot of conversation about sex in the movie. And a lot of characters having sex (though they don’t bother--happily--showing it) and talking about it later. So if you didn’t stop to think about it, you might think that sex is the subject of the movie.

What people forget--indeed, what I myself forgot once when too much time had lapsed between viewings--is that the film’s narrative is interrupted again and again by married couples telling, briefly, the story of their love. These stories never include sex. Instead they are stories of how they met, how they “knew” that the other was the one, how they fell in love, and how long they’ve been together. Each one of these couples could easily be regarded as elderly, and not one of them has a thing to say about sex.

In fact, Harry and Sally themselves are having a fine time, enjoying their friendship, quietly falling in love with one another without knowing it, and then they have sex. This nearly ruins everything. When they finally realize that they are in love, it isn’t the sex that draws them. Instead, it is the singularity of the other that each loves. It isn’t about sex. It is, as Harry so eloquently puts it, that “when you finally decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

A sweet, subtle reminder that real love is about your whole life, not just your body.